Quotes - Mark Twain

If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.


The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.


In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.


Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.


Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.


It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.


Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.


It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.


Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.


The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.


Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.


If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.


The lack of money is the root of all evil.


A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he uses in conversation.


Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.


Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.